Easily the most popular series of articles I’ve written in my seven years as a sports writer was my “By The Numbers” piece in which I chronicled the best athlete to ever wear each number 0-99. Since golfers don’t have numbers, that doesn’t really apply to the Golfer’s Diary.
But the second-most-commented-on work I’ve done was my “Don’t Be That Guy” Golfer’s Diary from a few years ago. As we all daydream about being out on the golf course again, it seems as good a time as any to revisit that idea. Because let’s face it, nobody likes THAT guy who ruins an otherwise enjoyable round of fun.
Note: I use the term “guy” as all encompassing. I’ve encountered plenty of both men and women who have no idea how to act on the golf course.
So without further ado, here’s a friendly reminder of the types of golfers to avoid being:
The Cell Phone Addict — I get it. Some people have jobs that require them to have their phones on them at all times. You might have a sick kid at home and want to text the babysitter for an update. But when I turn around after hitting a great drive and you’re sitting in the cart playing Words With Friends on your phone, we’re going to have issues. Most people golf for the company more than anything. It’s fun to share in the emotional ups and downs that golf provides. Agh! Just writing about this one is irritating. Please don’t be this guy.
The Chronically Late Guy — This one hits me on a personal level because I can’t name one of my friends who is ever on time for anything. If we make plans to tee off at 9:00, that doesn’t mean you should be leaving your house at 9:00. We all have lives outside of golf. As much as we’d love to spend all day on the course, there’s a pretty good chance that we have to get our kid to a birthday party or some such nonsense. Plus you know as I sit in the parking lot, a foursome of hackers is going to pull up and start right before us, slowing us down all day. Speaking of which…
The Awareness Level Zero Guy — This is more of a group characteristic, but please, for the love of everything holy, let faster groups play through. If you’re a foursome, let the twosome pass you at the par 3. If you’re walking, please be aware that there’s a greater chance that you’re slowing down everyone behind you. In no way am I condemning walking or taking your time and enjoying yourselves, just be aware out there. Everyone wants to be having fun. Hitting a shot and then waiting five minutes isn’t fun for anyone.
The “I Better Wait” Guy — This one directly ties into the above listing in that pace of play is an important part of golf etiquette. If the group ahead of you is chipping around the green on a par 4, you can almost certainly tee off. No, you can’t drive the green. No, if you really lay into one it’s not going to go 375 yards. You haven’t hit the ball further than 170 all day. It shouldn’t need to be said, but the opposite of this is just as bad. If the group in front of you is going slowly, it doesn’t give you the right to tee off while it’s still in range. Yes, it’s frustrating to be behind Awareness Level Zero Guy, but that’s no excuse to become Manslaughter Guy.
Is anyone else as annoyed as I am? Maybe re-doing this series was a bad choice. There are some really awful people on golf courses, huh? I’ll probably be writing about more for a few weeks. Who would you put on this list? I have a whole lot more to add (unfortunately), but I’d love to hear some suggestions of golfers that get your blood boiling. Shoot me an email at [email protected]
Until next week, golf is great. Go get some.
Stefan Gestwicki is an OBSERVER contributing writer. Comments on this article can be sent to [email protected]
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